How I Came to Love Being a Mom

(I'm a little embarrassed to be putting this here after not updating this blog FOR A YEAR... that's right, baby just turned ONE this month!!  But I wanted to save this somewhere and since that's what a blog is for it seemed like the right place.  Maybe it will motivate me to be a better blogger this year.  By the way, my sweet Miss M... this is for you.)

When I was a teenager I didn't think much of being a mom.  In fact, that thought process continued as I grew into a young adult, attended college, lived overseas, held full-time jobs and basically became an adult.  Looking back it’s silly that I didn't even once consider my own mother and the amazing woman she is and how fully I owed my life and the shaping of my persona to her loving time and attention—didn't even cross my mind.  That sort of sums up young adulthood, though.  We spend a great deal of time “finding ourselves” or discovering our interests and planning our future or whatever it is we do and conversely spend very little time thinking about how that future could involve or shape other people.  Now, there are others who are more sensitive than me, I will whole-heartedly agree to that.  But even those seeking altruistic professions would probably agree that those times in their lives were basically selfish.

Then, I met my husband.  Well, of course, he wasn't my husband when I met him.  He was just a hunky guy that I wanted to wrap myself around and never let go.  I fell in love.  We talked about a future and I admitted that, while I agreed to the ideal of family, I wasn't sure if it was the life for me.  It sounded so… boring, so unfulfilling.  I worried that I needed to be out backpacking around the world, volunteering in third world countries, holding a corporate job, doing SOMETHING BIG that really mattered, otherwise my life wouldn't mean anything.  Really, I was still in my selfish phase and I had no clue.  Understandably, this freaked out my poor soon-to-be-husband who actually really wanted a family and it was almost a deal-breaker.  It speaks volumes about his maturity and his love for me that he accepted my concerns and stuck with me. 

After we were married we both worked full-time in jobs that paid our bills but that we both ironically hated.  ‘But this is what adults do and this is fulfilling,’ I kept trying to tell myself.  It was hard to take myself seriously. 

And then we decided to have a baby.

We talked about family, we talked about our responsibilities, but really we had no idea.  Would I continue to work afterwards?  Hmmm, I wasn’t sure.  We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, I thought.  Although, truth be told, it was a relief to have an exit plan from a job I dreaded going to every day.  I had thought about looking for a new job but they all seemed the same: stuck in one place, working for someone else all day, only being able to live my own life for about 2 hours a day, plus weekends.  For the first time in my life I started to get excited about staying home with a baby.

I still didn't know how long it would last.  Maybe I would get bored after a few months and be itching to get back to work.  (And honestly, those times have come over the years as we have welcomed more children into our home, but they never last very long.)  I can promise that the moment I held that squishy baby on my chest, breathing his first breaths, I never wanted to be away.  Not for a moment.  I wanted to hold him every second of his life and let him hold my finger for comfort and just be there.  And so I was.  I stayed home, feeding him, holding him, trying to keep up with mealtimes and cleaning and oh my goodness how do I go grocery shopping with a baby??? and being an attentive wife and a helpful neighbor and all the while dealing with the nagging doubts swirling around me of “what do you do all day?”  (Well, if you don't have kids, try babysitting for a week sometime and then we’ll talk.)

And it was hard.  And beautiful.  And we created memories—some good, some bad, but all memorable.  And we’re still creating them.  My children are still all under 10 years and I have learned a million and one things since that first foray into full-time motherhood and I will learn another million and one things just this year.  And then they’ll grow, reach new life stages and it will all change.  But somewhere in there, I got it.  I mean, I get it now.  I understand why motherhood is important.  I understand that having a full-time out-of-the-home job is not as fulfilling as the full-time in-the-home job I’m undertaking right now.  Mostly because co-workers and bosses and corporate politics will fade but I will have my children forever.  But also because I’m realizing that I am the first line of defense for my children in a confusing, violent, and sometimes dirty world.  I can spend my days teaching them about self-control and love and patience and making better choices and learning to see beauty and wonder and love in that scary world.  Certainly I can teach them their ABC’s and how important it is to eat their vegetables and how to sort clothes for the laundry.  Those are visible things, probably things that they can recognize now as teaching.  But most of my teaching they won’t recognize until they’re grown and trying to raise their own little brood.  Then, possibly like I did, they’ll understand the significance of their mom teaching them to pray always.  They’ll know why the most important parts of the day were the ones when our family was all together.  They’ll remember that their mom believed in them to make good choices and knew they could always strive to be better.  I could still be a part of the work force and do those things, but I have found that this is where my heart is…and I count myself incredibly blessed both in circumstances and in my husband who allows me to do this, to be taking part in the noblest undertaking I will ever experience in this life.  I walked through the valley of the shadow of death to bring these kids into this world and I've never looked back.  Nothing can ever shake the firmness of my belief in the VITAL, CRUCIAL, IRREPLACEABLE role of a mother.  And I believe fathers have their own vital, crucial, irreplaceable role as well but that deserves its’ own topic another day. 

I wanted to record my thoughts today when I realized my own daughter might struggle with these same fears.  And that’s OK, everyone has to learn and we do that by experience.  But I want her, and any young woman concerned with her place in this world, to know that their potential to be a mother will be the most difficult, fulfilling, and important work she will EVER do.  Not to mention the most lasting.  So prepare for it, if you can.  Make your foundation steadfast and immovable so that you’ll be strong enough to hold up yourself AND your little ones.  It will be hard, you may feel unnoticed or unsure, but stick with it and I promise that someday you will look at your life’s work and say, “It is good.”

Right on time! (sort of)

So in case you're not friends with me on Facebook I thought I'd make a baby announcement here...
We had a baby!!! :)
And even though it was 5 WEEKS EARLY, we really should have been expecting our baby to come because for some reason I can't keep them in any longer than that.  And even though it was 5 WEEKS EARLY our little baby (BOY!!) basically came right on time.  And he was a quick one, too.  Not to be outdone by his brothers or his sister, he came faster than any of them!  I started contractions about 9:30pm, headed to the hospital with contractions 10 min. apart about 11pm, got to the hospital about 11:45pm with contractions 3 minutes apart...he was born 20 minutes later just after midnight!  There was a MAJOR snowstorm that night that really slowed us down...he was darn near born in the car!!  Phew, that was close!

You can see the little oxygen tube they sent us home from the hospital with.  Not fun.  So glad it was only in for a day or so. 

This kid is SO loved, he hardly ever gets put down because someone always wants to hold him! 

Happy momma & poppa.  (Even though it's only half my face, you can tell I'm happy.) 

Silly brothers!  I can already sense it, these 3 are going to be a handful! 

Well, hello there, pretty eyes! 

Welcome to the world James A. Weist!!!  We sure love you.

We have a winner

The other morning Michael & I were playing "I bet my dream was weirder than yours" as he got ready for work.  He dreamed some sort of military tactical warfare where he was chopping off heads.  Yawn.

My dream took place on the historical island of Pompeii (back when it was a thriving metropolis) and was about some conspiracy theory that a man purposely caused the fateful volcano with a planned train crash.  And while people were fleeing the ash & destruction onto cruise ships there was a zombie outbreak and no one knew if their neighbor was a zombie until it was too late.  I won the game because Michael said he'd totally pay to see that movie.

Oh, and Michael Jackson also featured as a zombie in my dream.  Double win.

Sleep deprivation from nursing: causing awesome dreams for the win!

It's about that time...

I'm sure it's only obvious to myself that I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY ANY TIME IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS and I'm going slightly berserk, as will happen at the end of my pregnancies.  Usually I fill my end-time with craft projects and since we just had Christmas this was a perfect way to vent my impatience.  I found an awesome DIY project whilst browsing Pinterest one day and gave this as a family gift on Christmas.  (By the way, has anyone tried doing mostly "family" gifts at Christmas?  Everyone seems to want to use each other's toys/stuff anyway so we might as well make them family presents, right?  And all our kids' birthdays come within a few weeks after Christmas so we can get them individual gifts then.  Right?  Right???)  Anyway, I digress... here is my lovely Pinterest find (don't mind my phenomenal photography skills.  Or my immaculate fridge).

(Tutorial that I used to make ruler HERE)

I know, I'm proud of me, too.  It's a giant ruler to measure our kids' growth instead of using the door jamb (which is currently where all the measurements are, directly behind where this ruler is now).  And we can take it with us if we ever move!  It was ridiculously easy to make and I didn't even bother using vinyl like some of the websites I saw, it's all by hand.  Anything to make my life easier.  I think I have another board in the garage I could probably make another one for a gift sometime.

So craft project #2 was even easier and took even less time...as in, I made it right before dinner because all I had to do was cut and stitch.

The blue hat on the left I already had in a baby boy box somewhere and both my boys have worn it, but since Miss Em was born in Malaysia she never needed a hat and thus we had no girl hat ready.  Since we don't know the gender I stitched up the girl hat quickly so we'd have one of each.  It wasn't even supposed to be ruffled like that at the fold but it is incredibly stretchy knit so I accidentally pulled the dickens out of it while sewing.  I was all worried that I'd destroyed it but then I folded it up and it looks like a cute little flower.  Serendipity.

So now we are (sort of) ready (mostly) for baby, because, you know, I couldn't give birth if I didn't have a hat ready.  But at least the hats are both waiting patiently (unlike mom) in the bassinet at the foot of our bed.

Now I'm off to find another craft project.  I've become obsessed with the mess that is my bathroom lately and I'm looking forward to (probably not until this summer) painting walls and vanity, putting up shelves, framing my mirror, getting a new light fixture and new curtain rod...but for now just the planning will help take my mind off the fact that I have only a few weeks left.  If anyone needs help with their own projects I have energy for two!  If only I didn't still have a zillion things to do.

November School Days

School is still going strong (admittedly sometimes stronger than others, but still strong, nonetheless) and we are enjoying our fall-leading-to-winter here in the Weist home.  Our most exciting and challenging class by far has been the engineering class that is offered through our school co-operative, My Tech High.  They sent us the kit filled with all of the blocks and links and wheels and parts to create various simple machines.  The picture below is one of the machines we built-- a scale.  It looks a lot simpler than it is and it usually takes the 2 of us working together at least 2 hours to finish one of these.  It's actually great bonding time with my son and I love every minute of it.  He thinks it's pretty awesome once he's finished them, too.

My princess below is less embroiled in class work because she is only 4 and technically preschool age, but I have a few Kindergarten books that she has started and recently she has showed an interest in learning how to read (yay!) so we spend a lot of time each week going over letters and sounds and working through very simple words.  With most of "school" activities I like to be very involved but so far a more hands-off approach has worked for me with teaching reading.  I provide ample reading time, both separate and together, I involve them in games that use simple reading words (I made a set of small cards with words of 2, 3, or 4 letters that we use for matching and other fun games) and I give them challenges to read things to me when we are out shopping or running errands.  I know there are probably millions of dollars spent by parents across the country using phonics programs and reading curriculum, and I don't discount those by any means. But thus far I have found this simpler (and far less expensive) approach to work just as well.  Kids seem to naturally want to progress so if you give them opportunities to do so they'll grab it with both hands and take off.
Of course, this princess is still in the VERY early stages of showing interest and learning how to put sounds together.  Her older brother showed greater inclination and ability from an earlier age and is now reading several grade levels above his age-- I don't necessarily think Miss Em will exhibit that same ability, but it's still exciting watching the progress and it's one of the reasons I became interested in homeschooling in the first place.

This sweet little goober is so good to mostly play while the rest of us do school and he is thrilled to just sit at the table with his brother and sister and be given something to keep him occupied so that it seems like he's at school, too.  He likes "doing letters" (what we call Starfall) but is nowhere near recognizing them like his older brother was at this age.  But I'm not too worried.  I don't want him to grow up too fast.  Can you blame me?

What month is it again?

Phew!  Time is flying!  Can someone please explain to me how it got to be October already?  I swear it was just July, like yesterday.  Well we have a month of homeschool under our belt and I've got to say things are going well and I am pretty happy with our situation right now.  There are still plenty of set-backs (such as when one of my children, who shall remain nameless, decides to throw an absolute fit about having to do handwriting practice and throws us off schedule for a half hour while they pout and kick things in their room...fun!) but we also have the freedom to go to the zoo occasionally or have a playdate because we've accomplished all of our goals for the week.  This school year is going to fly by!

On another note, did I mention that I sang with the symphony???  Last month was one of the most stressful times for me (and I got the nasty canker sore to prove it) and those nightly rehearsals at the end were not helping, but IT WAS SO WORTH IT!  I couldn't believe I was up there singing in Abravanel Hall with the ACTUAL Utah Symphony.  Dream. Come. True.  And even when I go to our weekly rehearsals I will look around and listen and start grinning like an idiot because I can't believe I'm there.  We have started practicing for the Annual Messiah Sing-Along that happens after Thanksgiving and I tell you what it already got me in the mood for Christmas.  It is going to be FAB-U-LOUS, so I highly recommend you get tickets and get in on the action.  Although they won't be on sale for like another month.

Speaking of months I am halfway through my 5th month and getting ready to start month 6 of my pregnancy!  Things are going great as far as we can tell and aside from usual tiredness and occasional crazy hormones (sorry, family!) I am a happy camper.  I get a little stressed when I think about homeschooling and new baby and choir and dinners and laundry and general housekeeping...but then my sweet husband wraps his arms around me and lets me cry and tells me he's here and will help and that everything will be great.  I need that.  Thanks sweetheart.

And speaking of needing things I always need the jolt that accompanies General Conference weekend and this last week was no different.  I cried more than usual (is it just me or were there a lot of stories of suffering/dying children?) and I'm sure my hormones were no help, but it was still reassuring and uplifting and strengthening and all those things I need to sometimes just get through the week.  And it was all true, so that helps too.

And finally, in case you didn't know it, one of the sweetest things on earth is the face of a child who has just woken up from a nap and still has sleep in their eyes.  And I have one of those cuddled in my arms right now.  All is right with the world.

Homeschool

For those of you who don't know I have been homeschooling my kids for the last year.  However, since my oldest was only in Kindergarten it hasn't been much of a big deal.  Our school was entirely informal and loosely scheduled.  We practiced reading, did handwriting drills, played math games and sometimes included the younger kids so things were always LOUD and wild and wonderful.
But this year is different!  We have a schedule!  We have various curriculum!  We have classes with subjects and textbooks!  We have a lot of exclamation points!!  I can't help it, I got so excited last night, our first night before school, that I couldn't sleep.

I was worried.

I was worried about it failing big-time.  I was worried about it being crazy.  I was worried about my kids not listening and absolutely hating it.  I was worried about being organized enough to make it happen.

I spent a while on my knees last night.
I think I'll be doing that every night for the whole school year.

But you know what?  It definitely helped me.  Things went more smoothly today than any other school day we've ever had.  Ever.  There were still a couple of hiccups, a couple of whining moments and "I'm not going to do that!" protests but they were short-lived and few in number.  In fact, our day started wonderfully with a fun music time where we listened to different genres of music and talked about their differences (including several dancing moments, of course) and I distinctly heard this surprising declaration: "I love school at our house!  It's so fun!!"

I died.

It may not always be perfect (or even work at all) but this was a wonderfully auspicious way to begin our school year.  I am hopeful.  I am tired.  I am thankful.  But most of all I love the decision I made to homeschool this year.  I still don't know how many years we'll try this but I am loving the journey while we're on it.

Look out for Miss Attitude on the right.  She didn't like that I told her to scoot in closer.

John, my big 1st grader!

A little less attitude.  She's technically in preschool but I'm starting her on John's old Kindergarten stuff.  We'll see how she does!

David is only 2 but loves joining in-- he's a great reminder for the other kids to behave because he copies EVERYTHING they do with this new "school" stuff.

Homeschooling, here we come!

Courage & darn-near disbelief

One of my friends posted a status on Facebook that quoted a line from the movie We Bought A Zoo..."All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it."  I felt like a had a moment of insanity this past week which originally didn't feel like courage, just pure insanity.  However, something awesome came from it so whether it's insanity or courage, I'll take what I can get.


Last week I randomly discovered something called the Utah Symphony Chorus.  I never knew such a wonderful thing  even existed!  Apparently they sing a handful of times throughout the year with the Utah Symphony at...that's right, ABRAVANEL HALL!!!!!  Sorry, I had to shout that cause it's so exciting.  I thought it would be wonderfully fulfilling and exciting and pure awesome to be part of something like that and, as luck would have it, they were holding auditions this week.  So I signed up.  I told a few people I felt like Monica from 'Friends' when she had her identity stolen and ended up confronting her fears and taking a tap dance class when she had NO idea what she was doing...and as she waved her arms around erratically, being told she was "doing it wrong" she replied enthusiastically, "at least I'm doing it!!!"  I imagined myself a little like that.


So I got some tips from my awesome voice coach neighbor about auditioning and yesterday loaded the kids up in the car so I could drop them at Michael's work while I went to sing my heart out.  If I felt out of my league before it only increased a hundred-fold while I was waiting my turn and listened to other singers warming up.  These were majorly trained voices, people who could sing opera and sing it really well.  It made me feel about 12 years old.  But I decided to laugh it off and chalk it up to good experience and went in my audition with a big smile.  I told the auditioner that I felt out of my league but that I would LOVE to be in this chorus and what a wonderful opportunity it would be, then I did my thing and left feeling like I probably wouldn't make it because of the stiff competition but that I had done really well.  Yay for me.


You could have knocked me over with a feather when I got an email from them tonight saying "Congratulations, your audition was successful..." HUh?  Were you talking to me?  Seriously?!??  So apparently I get to sing with the Utah symphony.  In Abravanel Hall, a place I have revered since I was a very small person in awe of the gold and chandeliers and sounds of that amazing place.  And all because I had a few moments of courage.  What if I hadn't auditioned?  I never would have known.  Go seize the day!  I hope something great will come out of it for you.  

Mothers with heavy hearts

I am going to go out on a limb here and assume something for all parents.  It's a big assumption but I bet I'm pretty close.  I'm going to assume that, regardless of individual fears as we grow up (being afraid of the dark or afraid of bears or afraid of rejection), once someone becomes a parent there is ONE single, simple fear that shoots to the top of the list--losing a child.  I can't imagine a more terrifying thought to myself and for some reason that thought occurred to me tonight at the end of a wonderful, happy, satisfying Mothers Day.  I wanted to send out a tribute to all mothers (fathers too, actually) who have lost a child and who are most likely reminded of that event on this particular day.  I can't even begin to imagine how difficult something like that must be, how heart-breaking it must feel at times, I can only offer my heart in sympathy and my hope that you can see them again someday.  So, on what for some will be a bittersweet day, I wish a happy mother's day to those who've loved and lost.  Our thoughts are with you.

Spring Clean

A few weeks ago I undertook the task to unclog our bathroom tub drain in lieu of calling a plumber.  I didn't have any snaking tools do dig out nasty hair/grease balls so I took to the internet.  I found some great instructions for using baking soda and vinegar combinations and after 4 flushes of this wonderful stuff my bathtub drain was running free and clear.  I felt like Superwoman!!!  At my friend's house the next day I told her about my success and while we talked she ran 2 rounds of the miracle unclogger and it worked like magic.  She said they'd spent a bunch of money buying bottle after bottle of drain cleaner that never worked and we had it running free in just 15 minutes using stuff they already had in the cupboard.  (By the way, if you want to know how we did it there are instructions here: Homemade 'drain-o'...the only thing we did differently was to heat the vinegar in the microwave for about 45 seconds first.)

Something I read while figuring out how to clear that clog said that baking soda emulsifies grease and that's how it breaks down the clogs as it sits on them, eating it away.  I thought about that for a week or so, wondering what that would do on just the regular hair on my head.  With great faith in the power of baking soda after my triumphs I took to the internet again and found a surprising trend: a great number of people who clean their hair with baking soda instead of shampoo.  (They call it "no-poo" which I think is pretty gross so I'm going to think of something else for this post.)  I figured it had worked so well on my tub I would at least give it the benefit of the doubt and give it a test-run.  After a few days of this regimen my hair is still soft, not greasy and I haven't used a drop of shampoo.  I had a couple of people ask about how it works, what are the proportions, etc. so I'm writing this up for anyone who is interested.

I found this blog post very informative about the differences of hair care between shampoo and baking soda but here is the simple breakdown.

1-2 Tbsp. baking soda
Squeezy bottle for the shower, at least 8 oz.
Another bottle, at least 8 oz.
1 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar



Using a funnel dump 1-2 Tablespoons of baking soda in an 8 ounce bottle and fill the rest up with water.  The baking soda settles quickly so you will need to keep shaking it as you're applying.  Also take with you a cup or bottle with a solution of 1 Tbsp. of apple cider vinegar to 1 cup water.

After wetting your head in the shower start squeezing the soda solution on your scalp.  I start at the crown and work my way around the rest of the hair, focusing mostly on the scalp.  The scalp is where all the oil is produced so the  rest of the hair needs a little less.  It feels really weird because it's not sudsing up with bubbles and you realize you're just rubbing water around in your hair.  But keep scrubbing away, it's working!  Most of the sites I read said to just rinse it right off but I figure if it's working on the grease I'd like to let it do more work, so I leave it on while I do the rest of my cleaning up.  After everything else is done you can do 2 things: either rinse first with water and then rinse with the vinegar solution or slowly dump the vinegar solution all around your hair first (if you have longer hair you may need more, but mine is really short so I use a cup...just remember the proportions of 1 Tbsp. to 1 c.)  It's not a strong mix of baking soda and vinegar but I can still feel it bubbling on my scalp and I love it.

Finally, rinse well with water and you're done!

A couple of notes:  If you're worried about the vinegar smell, it still smells really strong when you dump it on your head but after you've rinsed it off you cannot smell a thing!  I even had Michael do a smell test and he couldn't detect any trace of it.  Also a lot of the sites I read about this hair-washing regimen suggested that it can take up to 2 weeks before the oil production in your hair will even out and get used to it, so you may have a while dealing with gross greasy hair.  If you really want to do it, don't give up!  Give it at least 2 weeks before you go back.  My hair is really short and I also think leaving it in longer helps, so I haven't had a single greasy day, but your experience may be different.  I'd love to know if anyone else has tried this, or if this post inspires you to try.  Please link back to your own blog and share your experiences!

Master of my Fate, Captain of my...Day

I am stealing this post from the book "Suzie Bitner was afraid of the Drain" by Barbara Vance.  Her poems are delightful and actually reminiscent of Shel Silverstein's work (who doesn't love Shel Silverstein???) but this one seemed corresponding to my mood and my feelings about life at the moment, especially after a great day of listening to General Conference and being inspired by the words of prophets.  I feel like I could do anything!  Unfortunately I have to go to sleep now and will probably be my usual, grumpy self in the morning.  So I thought I'd post Barbara Vance's poem and look at it tomorrow to remind me the kind of person I'd like to be.

A Good Day

“Today will be a good day,
And I will make it so–
I cannot make the sun come out;
I cannot make the flowers sprout;
I cannot make the fishes bite,
Nor blow the wind beneath my kite.
But I can wear a friendly smile
And listen to the trees a while
And laugh real loud and run real fast
And make each moment such a blast.
I can sing though skies be gray,
‘Cause I am captain of my day.”

Getting facts straight, aka Me On a Soapbox

If you live in Utah you have probably been reading a lot about the debate about Sexual Education for minors in public school.  Do we teach them about condoms?  Abstinence?  Genital warts?  None of the above?  What?  I am not posting what I think about the Sex-Ed debate.  I am taking issue with a comment that is made over and over as part of the argument.  A "statistic" that I have heard for YEARS surrounding this and other issues dealing with sexual morality among teenagers.  A comment/statistic that has never made sense to me.  Here's the general gist of the statement:  Utah has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the country.

That's it.  That comment is touted constantly by people on both sides of the issue, but particularly when someone wants to point out that teaching abstinence (which is apparently all we do in Utah) doesn't work, or that Mormons are a bunch of hypocritical losers, or a variety of other things.  I was thinking about it tonight because one of my seriously awesome friends posted that statement on her blog as she was sharing her thoughts about this hot-button issue.  I don't take issue with her opinions or those of most other people, in fact I appreciate that we can flesh out an issue and let everyone's opinions be heard, but this comment gets under my skin, like seeing spelling or grammar mistakes on retail products or on a company website.  (It's the English major in me, I guess, I can't help it.  But seriously, could you pay somebody to proofread your stuff??  Could you pay ME?  I'd be more than happy to do it!  Sheesh.)

Back to the point.  This statement that is thrown around about Utah having the highest teen pregnancy rate in the country was getting under my skin.  So I did a Google search.  It took me all of 5 seconds.  It took me longer than that to read some of my findings but they were quite illuminating.  The first one was from the Guttmacher Institute, which I confess I'd never heard of, but their website banner declares that they are "Advancing sexual and reproductive health worldwide through research, policy analysis and public education."  Well, since they are all about educating the public, that's what I'd like to do (if, in this instance, "public" means all 10 of you who read my blog).  The link to their study is here: http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/USTPtrends.pdf

There was a lot of interesting information but the most pertinent I found was that in 2005 Utah ranked #45 in the nation in rate of pregnancy for teens aged 15-19.  (page 13)  There are other pages that show rates for teens younger than 15 is low in the country as well.  That means there are 44 other states with higher teen pregnancy rates than Utah.  That doesn't sound like a state with one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country to me.

Here was another one by a group you may have heard of:  the CDC.  This one deals mostly with different teen pregnancy rates among different races but the information I wanted was on the first page: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db46.pdf

The map on the first page shows "Teenage birth rates for 15-19 year olds by State, 2008" and if I'm not color blind I believe it shows that Utah ranks "Significantly lower than the US rate."  That doesn't sound like a state with one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country to me, either.

I think it is one of the great blessings of living in the United States that we can have public discourse about issues that people think are important, that we can work to change policy, and that we have the means and technology to do so.  What I think needs to change is correcting false rhetoric that is used by one side or the other simply to support their ideology.  Public discourse needs to be honest, open-minded and correctly informed, otherwise we're just kids on a playground shouting "yes, it is! no, it isn't! yes, it is! no, it isn't!" back and forth at each other without ever actually accomplishing anything.  So next time you hear or read something making a gross generalization in order to support a claim, please ask for the person's reference.

ew.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that probably every parent's favorite part of having a baby in diapers is that moment where you stick your finger 1 or 2 inches down the back of the diaper to pull it out from the baby's body to see if there's a mess in there and you realize too late that there IS a mess...and that it goes up about 1/2 inch away from the top.

kudos

This morning's post is dedicated to All-American Rejects.  I had just decided I didn't have any more to give to my morning run when this song came on my ipod.  I couldn't help it-- I dead sprinted an extra 4 laps on the track until it finished.  Thanks, guys.

Etsy Fever

Just wanted to...ahem...point out the new widget on the sidebar over there ------------>

I'm selling bracelets on Etsy!  They're a little kitschy and a little cute and a little adolescent (the teenagers in my neighborhood love them) and also a little fun.  You're certainly welcome to buy one, even if you're 50.  It'll make the cool kids *jealous.  

(*Disclaimer: I have never been cool so any claim to know what will make cool kids jealous is totally fabricated and clearly says I have no idea what I'm talking about.)

Thanks for looking!

Bring it on 2012

I feel bad when I don't blog.  The neglect of the blog sits like a brooding animal at the back of my mind, nibbling at my conscience until I convince myself it's been too long since I last blogged and I may as well just shut it down all together.  So I get on Blogger, sift through the links, peruse past posts, chuckle over the comments of my friends (some of you are hilarious, by the way) and then fall in love all over again with blogging.

I guess I did that tonight.

I also take pictures, dozens and dozens of pictures each month.  They are carefully stored on my computer and there they sit.  Doing nothing.

Does anyone out there scrapbook?  I can't bring myself to do all the froofy cri-cut stuff where you have all these paper accoutrements in awesome layers angled around each other on the page...with one picture.  But I can handle it if it's just cutting and pasting and writing cute stuff and adding some fun paper with stickers or something.  And yes, I'm 12.

But I have NO scrapbooks of my children, just boxes and folders and computer files full of mementos.  Will someone please come and organize me so I can make scrapbooks for my children?  (Yes, mom, I agree, we need to get my craft room in order so I have a place to work.  Will you come over one night after the kids are in bed and do it with me?  Will my neighbors too?  That'd be great. Thanks.)

What other random thing can I bore readers with....food?  My kids love barbecue sauce.  Which is why, every day that I teach piano lessons and I finish right at dinner with no time to prepare anything we eat quesadillas with some kind of meat and barbecue sauce.  Doesn't matter what else is in it, they'll eat it if there's barbecue sauce.  Come to think of it, I'm kind of like that with chocolate sauce.  Or Nutella.  I've eaten that on tortillas before.  I guess it's true about apples and trees and all that.

(Speaking of which...about piano lessons, not about barbecue or chocolate sauces or Nutella or even apples...if anyone's interested I'm teaching piano again...)

See, this is why I don't blog more.  I could bore anyone to tears without even trying.  

I'm trying to declutter.  I got this burst of energy the last 10 days or so that translated in my brain as "you have too much stuff and your house is messy and unorganized and cluttered and wouldn't you like to live in a place that looked like it belonged in a magazine with only a few tastefully selected items on each surface and all color coordinating and bringing life and energy into your living space?"  My head voices are long-winded like that.  Of course, I can declutter all I want.  I will never be able to make a house look like it belongs in a magazine.  I need to bring in some talent for that.  One thing at a time...first I have to convince my husband that it's OK to throw things away.  The stories I could tell of the things he keeps ("we could totally use that!") and after months of sitting on a desk, the floor, a bookshelf, it hasn't been touched and I just throw it away.  See?  He never even misses it.  (Except that he does occasionally check on this blog and might actually KNOW that I do that stuff now.  I love you sweetie!  Let's go watch 'Hoarders' k?)  Just trying to do my part for our family.  Keeping my sanity, that's what's good for our family.  (On a related note, I found a website that is currently my inspiration: Discardia.  If any of this un-cluttering nonsense appeals to you, check it out.  It made me happy.)

There is quite a list of things that I'd like to work on, improve, change as this year begins.  I never actually made a list of resolutions or anything like that, it's more like just a feeling of things changing or getting ready to change, of wanting to be different somehow.  Better different.  That obnoxious, talkative burst of energy that pushes me to become more how I envision myself and less how I apathetically settle into life.  Does that make sense?

However, it is 9:00 and I'm feeling more settle-ish than energy-ish so I'm settling in for the night to watch (again) "Once Upon a Time" from this week. *excited giggle*

What about you?  How do you make changes to yourself or your life, especially on those long days where all you want to do is put in a movie and fade into oblivion???

Lessons Learned

Just thinking tonight about some of the things that I've learned that last few years that I never would have learned without my children in my life.

1- You can't imagine how something so tiny and adorable one moment could be so irritating the next.
2- Impromptu dance parties are the spice of life.
3- Adjustable waists in pants are brilliant...but they never get completely dry in the dryer.
4- Never would I think it permissible to wipe another person's nose with my hand.  But it totally is.
5- The amount of sleep I get is directly (and negatively) proportional to how early everyone wakes up the next morning.
6- You think that there's nothing worse than a sad, sick child that you want to heal immediately but can't...until they all get it and then it is definitely worse.
7- It is possible to want to desperately protect someone with your own life and still want to strangle them in the same moment.
8- The amount of time it takes my children to break something personal to me is directly related to how sentimental I feel about it.
9- I never realized how much my own parents loved me until I held my first child in my arms.
10- I don't know how I ever lived without having a little head nestled on my shoulder.  I also don't know how I'll live when that time is done.  I can't even think about it.
11- My kids can make even the most simple, mundane task absolutely exhausting.
12- It is in all likelihood possible to go literally crazy from saying the same things over & over & over & over...
13- It's easy to know what my kids size will be in the next year so buying a size up for them on the clearance rack has been the biggest money-saver ever.  (Already have Miss Em's Christmas clothes for next year).
14- When people say how important it is for women planning on being stay-at-home moms to get the best education possible because it will help them teach their children... they are exactly right.
15- I am not as patient as I thought I was.
16- I don't have to give up my life for my kids.  I can still have one of my own, too, with my own goals and plans.  It's just bigger than I planned it to be.
17- It took me a while to figure out why scriptures teach us to "become as a little child" because, honestly, sometimes they are hellions.  ('Submissive'??  He obviously never met MY kids!!)  But they are THE MOST FORGIVING little things on the planet.  I'm trying to be more like them.
18- I forget how amazing and exciting everything seemed when I was a kid.  The world seems brighter when I see that through their eyes and I remember.  (Sprinkles! Puppies! Trampolines! Snow!! The list could go on & on.)
19- Phases pass.
20- I never imagined that watching my kids all help each other unload the dishwasher would bring me such exquisite joy.

Twenty seems like a good place to end.  Plus, it's late and I still want to read for a while.  It was nice to sit here and think about the good things I've learned as a mother.  It's a crazy, upside-down, unrelenting, rewarding, exhausting job but it's the best one I've ever had.

Alert the media!

I want it known that I made doughnuts today!!!  (If you're curious I used THIS RECIPE but I swapped the strawberries for cranberries.)  I have never, in my 32 years successfully fried anything.  Ever.  In fact, I've only unsuccessfully tried 2 or 3 times.  But now I've made doughnuts.  And they're not too shabby.  I even fried some plan dough, sprinkled it with sugar and spread it with some vanilla honey butter (from some cinnamon roll thing I tried earlier in the week) and it was divine.  My whole life will now be divided in 2 sections: B.D. and A.D. (before doughnuts and after doughnuts).
I'm going to celebrate with some fried dough.

Letter to Stephanie Meyer

(So I published this note on Facebook but usually when I have an opinion I want to make it heard as much as possible (as my sweet, patient husband can probably attest) so I'm copying it here as well.  If you're tired of hearing anything about the Twilight series, if you don't like reading the personal rantings of people you don't know, or if are a Latter-day Saint and you loved the latest Twilight movie, then I apologize in advance.  This is kind of long so in the off chance that you actually do make it through the whole post, I'd appreciate a comment about your feelings.  It caused a bit of a stir on my friend's Facebook page when she linked to it and it led to some rousing discussion, so please feel free to share!)

‘With great power come great responsibility…’ how many times have we heard that in as many contexts?  Truisms tend to do that, get repeated in various settings.  And here’s the thing: they’re always true.   And this case is no different.  Stephanie Meyer has been “given” great power in terms of worldly influence because of her pseudo-celebrity status.  People (women, mostly) sit up and take notice to what she says, what she writes and what she represents.  The problem is that she has come to represent the LDS church because she is a member of that church.  So for the millions of women world-wide (who know the name Stephanie Meyer, acknowledging that there is a large portion of them who don’t) who are also members of that church we take very personally what she produces.  I am one of these women.  Her writing, her movies, anything with her name tied to it will be a representation to the world of what I believe, of what millions of women world-wide believe.  We want to be women of God.  We want to stand for honesty, integrity, morality, family togetherness, and love.

                So it was with great chagrin that I have watched her legacy play out in the media.  Her books were generally either loved or hated.  People have different tastes so there is allowance for that.  In fact, although I haven’t always appreciated everything about her books I could always say one thing: they stayed true to what we believe.  The characters represented virtues similar to my own and I never found anything incongruous with the LDS beliefs.  Until the movies started.  ‘Twilight’ the book was a delightful, quick read full of (albeit admittedly strange) romance that—and here’s the kicker—was CLEAN.  Morally clean, I mean.  I loved Edward’s “old fashioned” ideas of abstinence.  There was nothing gratuitous or graphic.  So I admit to being disheartened when watching Kristin Stewart in the movie making out with Robert Pattinson on her bed in her underwear.  Really?  Come on, that’s not what we stand for.  I grimaced for Young Women of our faith (and others) all over the world.

                Disregarding all that happened in the intervening years I’ll skip to the latest movie, ‘Breaking Dawn.’  While reading Stephanie’s books I admit to being continually pleased at the cleanliness of the writing, the themes, I felt there was even an almost subconscious influence to teach young girls to be morally clean, to save their bodies, not get involved in sexual activity.  And in the book ‘Breaking Dawn’ the main characters are married before they have sex.  Totally in line with my beliefs.  However, the thing I loved most about those scenes – that they were clean – was totally wiped out with the production of the movie.  In the book I loved that Stephanie glossed over the intimate moments between husband and wife, leaving room for the individual imagination to take over, and only returning to the marital bed the next morning.  Nothing gratuitous, nothing graphic.  Perfect.  And how dismayed and disappointed I was to see that Stephanie Meyer, as PRODUCER, no less, allowed that basic virtue, moral cleanliness, to be taken over by Hollywood and reduced to a graphic, gratuitous, uncomfortable sex scene.  Why was it so uncomfortable?  Because I’m a Mormon, just like Stephanie Meyer, and she has basically just declared that I think that was ok – desirable, in fact.  But she is wrong.  I don’t think sex scenes in movies are ok.  I think the public sphere is not the place for panting and moaning and naked bodies.  I would be mortified if I had a teenage girl who wanted to see that movie.  I am almost more horrified that a fellow Mormon would have the audacity to produce that scene in a movie.  Even as I write this I am filled with anger.  Disappointment.  Humiliation.  Resentment.  (Strange words for a Christian to use, perhaps I should calm down for a minute…)

                Sadness.  That is what I am left with.  Great sadness that in seeing (many, many, many) dollar signs, Sister Meyer has sold out.  She sold herself out for millions of dollars, and in doing so sold out the rest of us as well.  Congratulations, you just found the price of your integrity.

                So I want to make it perfectly clear, I do not condone what was in that movie.  Any woman who professes moral cleanliness would not be happy with that movie.  (Yeah, you know that uncomfortable feeling you got watching that scene?  You know what voice that was and shame on us for ignoring it.)  Now I am far from perfect, there are probably a handful of people that could rightfully cast stones at me and the difficult thing for Stephanie Meyer is that there are millions more that know her name and could cast stones if they wanted.  But I will still not sit idly by and have someone in the spotlight, someone who has let LDS women down, dictate to the rest of the world what I believe.  In all probability I will never have that kind of spotlight but it doesn’t mean I can’t have a voice.

A Little Revealing

1. I have not been able to concentrate on one thing for more than 20 minutes since 7:30 tonight.
2. Can you develop ADD overnight?
3. It's more likely that I know I should be doing something else and I'm avoiding it.
4. It's really helping me to number my sentences right now.
5. Can you develop OCD overnight?
6. (No comments allowed from my husband about me already having OCD.  I don't. *whispered*I don't.)
7. I think Facebook and Twitter have made me dumber: I can only think in sentences of about 140 characters.
8. Except when I read Jane Austen, then I feel smart and my sentences are longer and peppered with Victorian language.
9. I love Jane Austen.
10. I know it's not Jane Austen but I'm re-reading 'Jane Eyre' and I still love it just as much as the first dozen times.
11. Michael just got home.
12. It's 10:53pm.
13. I had to stop writing so we could fill each other in on our days.
14. Although there wasn't much to say since we've already spent roughly a cumulative of 40 minutes or so on the phone together during the day.
15. He calls me whenever he's at Costco getting gas in his truck, just in case we need 400 rolls of toilet paper or a double pack of elephant-sized bags of chips or a 17 lb. bottle of vitamins.
16. I think this is possibly the most boring blog post I've ever written.
17. Don't comment on that.
18. (Michael, this means you, too.  Again.)
19. Now my husband is waxing philosophical on me and demanding more attention so I have to actually listen and answer questions so I will end this.
20. But since I'm OCD I can't end on 19.